Why did this joint, praised as one of America’s Best Bars in Esquire, top our list? Because of the accolades their burger has also earned: Lauded as the BEST happy hour burger in Portland by Portland Monthly magazine AND written about in secret code by their Editor-In-Chief were compelling enough reasons.
Plus, after seeing Prometheus for a second time, we really wanted a happy hour burger.
Before diving into the burger though, a little about the restaurant. From their site:
“Opened in May 2007 by Nate Tilden and Matt Piacentini, Clyde Common is a European style tavern serving delicious food and drinks in a casual and energizing space.” (Agreed; it’s an awesome space and the drinks are indeed delicious)
Meat: The Contender -- A 6 ounce hamburger sandwich with pickled onions and lettuce. Add cheddar or blue or bacon for $1.5 (Though their website menu says $1). Price: $6
And how was The Bar/Bistro burger? Quite frankly, a major letdown. Let’s do the math:
Bun Quality: Jason (0), Amie (0)
That baby may as well have come from a sweaty plastic bag left outside in the hot sun after a picnic. It fell apart. Crumbled. And wasn’t toasted.
Meat Quality: Jason (0), Amie (1)
While my burger was rich with that perfect fall-apart-quality, Jason’s was bombed by gristle so chunky and large he had to spit it out. We’re curious to know how two burgers, ordered at the exact same time came out completely inconsistent.
Made to Order: Jason (1), Amie (1)
The patty was so medium rare I was almost afraid of getting sick. Perfection.
Sauces: Jason (0), Amie (.5)
The bun was slathered with so much homemade aioli -- which, don’t get us wrong, was tasty -- that it overpowered the deliciously spicy, thick stone ground mustard the burger was served with. The real disappointment though was the lack of ketchup -- and the lack of the offer for it. Fortunately, the fries we ordered came with red harissa, (A spicy concoction of roasted red bell peppers, pureed with vinegar, garlic, chiles and seasonings) which finalized the burger trifecta with a saucy spirited twist. However, without the fries, you don’t get the harrisa, and this burger needed it desperately.
Quality of Accoutrements: Jason (0), Amie (.5)
This burger comes with tart pickled onions and a leaf of lettuce. Pickled onions (as usual) are totally awesome. But we could have used twice as many, especially to back up the overall lack of flavor going on with this burger. We get that this is a $6 happy hour burger, but come on Clyde, don’t you want it to taste good?
Add On Options: Jason (1), Amie (1)
Like any rad restaurant serving a burger, Clyde Common got the add ons right on. Their white cheddar was as good as any, but kinda like the onions, just wasn’t enough to improve the overall flavor. The bland meat was still too much for it. Adding the bacon probably would have helped quite a bit, but bacon helps everything. Long story short, if you’re hitting this burger for happy hour, splurge on the add-ons.
What It Comes With: Jason (0), Amie (0)
As we stated in the Ten Hammandments, we respect the happy hour burger’s WalMart price tag and acknowledge we indeed, won’t be having fries with that. Nonetheless, what we keep in our wallets, the happy burger loses in Hammandment points. It’s simply the way of the beast. That said, the $3 french fries we did order -- the ones that came with that delicious harissa -- are salty, crunchy, thin and serve as a solid wingman to an otherwise hopeless burger.
Meat Flavor: Jason (0), Amie (0)
A little salt, even just a whisper of it, goes a long way and would have done so with this beef patty.
Presentation: Jason (0), Amie (0)
Lettuce, pickled onions and mustard on the side. Bun should be open right? It wasn’t. And while that didn’t put a damper on my burger, it further ruined Jason’s burger as the cheese started to stick Gorilla Glue style to that closed bun. If you’re going to let us assemble the burger, totally cool, just leave the bun off so we can assemble it.
Hit the Spot Factor: Jason (0), Amie (.25)
Personally, I had been jonesing for a GOOD burger ever since my company got Red Robin for lunch (Okay, so it was only two days). I’m wondering if Red Robin’s affinity for throwing crispy onion straws on every burger would have made any one of them hit the spot more than Clyde Common’s. In all honesty, those onion straws stand a good chance considering Clyde’s burger, despite the large pour of whiskey and hoppy IPA I sucked down before taking a first bite, was a total and complete let down. For Jason, the gristle was the blow that truly topped off a burger that looked so nice yet fell so hard.
Bonus Pickle? Zero.
Total Score: 3.375
Overall recommendation: Go for the whiskey. With Pappy Van Winkle’s on the menu, you won’t be disappointed.
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